Final post

My score in unit 3 was low, 3-5. I believe now my score is an 8. As I am a work in progress I do not believe I will ever achieve a 10, but I will be close. I learned so much about myself during this course. All the positives that stopped at my ear are now getting into my brain, instead of the other way around with the negatives. I have found my inner strength and that is something I am protecting and allowing to show.

I was not sure of my work goals, but now I am. I want to further my education and become a mental health counselor. Dealing with suicide the way I have has given me a new understanding of this disease-and it is a disease because of the negativity that feeds inside us. I feel now I can help others because I have been there myself.

I have implemented taking more time for myself. Even when I am outside just relaxing, I mediate and self reflect on things. I have become a stronger person and I do not allow others to push me around as much as I did. For work I have made contact with academic counselor's to start working on a Masters degree.

Barbara Lorenzen.

Unit 9

Unit 9 Project: Health Plan

Modern medicine has advanced by leaps and bounds over the last century, even the last few years. What was the miracle treatment or drug a year ago might be obsolete today. But even with the advancement of technology the whole person is not being treated. Western Medicine looks at the person in two parts, psychological and physical, but forgets there is a third part, spiritual. Spiritual does not have to mean that the person is religious, all people have spirits, it is our inner core, what makes us-US. To be a completely healed person you need to take care of the spiritual part, or the person is only two-thirds treated.

The spiritual side is what I have to work on. I was found that I was effectively treating the psychological and physical self with doctors’ help, but was not caring for the third, spiritual. I did not feel complete and did not understand why so I went on a search for answers and found out there are “no answers only the search” (Grandma Ivy in Pure Country, 1992). If we stop searching we stop learning, therefore there are no answers.

When I first scored myself in unit three I was a 3. After some of the issues that I have been dealing with and lessons learned in this class I would have to score myself as: spiritually-6. I am still a work in process. I have learned on this journey that I was two people living in the same body. There was the outer shell that I used to protect the true me. Once I connected with the inner me, I was able to start growing spiritually. Physically I am a 5. I still have chronic pain relating to my brain surgery, but with the mediation and deep breathing techniques I am learning how to deal with the pain better and not need over-the-counter pain medicine as much. Psychologically is a tougher one to answer-I would have to score myself between 4 and 6. I am currently in intensive outpatient treatment for psychological scars that I have been caring around from my childhood, again this is a work in process. Going from a 3 to a 6 is a tremendous achievement in such a little time, but it has taken some extreme measures to get me here.

I have set goals for myself in each of the three categories, however I am trying not to eat an elephant all at once (Unknown, n.d.) so the goals are starting small and building as I achieve them. The first goal is regarding physical. I am overweight and lack exercise. My goal is to everyday move more and sit less, once I get my movement in gear I can than concentrate on an exercise program. I plan to purchase the Zumba for the Wii. I believe this to be an attainable goal because I love to dance, there is a variety, and being able to exercise in the comfort of my home I can exercise anytime I want and do not have to feel self-conscious. My next goal is for psychological. This one has more of elephant goals. I have made a commitment to see a therapist once a week indifferently and participate in extensive outpatient group therapy for eight weeks, plus I plan to attend additional support groups that meet twice a month. This is a huge undertaking due to the time requirements and the emotional toll it will take on me; nonetheless I am confident that once the eight weeks are over I will be a more self-assured person with a better understanding of my mental health. Once I have completed this therapy it is my goal to become a mental health counselor. My final goal is in regards to spiritual. My first step is to mediate more and stay attached to my inner self or my core. The larger goal I have is to return to church. This is a harder undertaking than I thought. I have to reconcile with GOD while getting used to the way in church the pastor preaches. Stepping out of my comfort and embracing a new way of worshiping is something I need to work on.

Goals success can only be assessed by having a plan and reassessing it after a certain length of time. Six months is the suggestion from the unit, but I believe it should be a monthly assessment. To determine if I have achieved any success on the subject of physical health, I weight myself and I will again in a month to determine if any weight has been lost, also if my clothes fit better I know I am losing inches. Right now my energy level is low, if I am able to do more and not get tired more often I know I am succeeding in that goal.

To assess the progress in spiritual health, I believe this should be done even more often than once a month; I assess myself on a daily basis. When I feel the evil hand of darkness trying to grab me, I fight harder to get the positive side of my inner self than the negative.

For psychological accomplishment I will assess this at the mid-point (four weeks) of the therapy and see how I am feeling, if I have a better insight on how I feel and think. I will also utilize the people closes to me, my husband and daughter, and have the honestly tell me if they have noticed any changes and what they are.

At six months I will look back over this time as if I was reviewing a movie and I know I will find a better me.

Mediation Exercises

First off I want to apologize for not posting a blog for last week. Circumstances beyond my control precluded me from being in class.

The two exercises I enjoy the most are mental wellness and loving kindness. They both had be focusing on loving myself and those around me. This past week I went through a traumatic experience and found that the mediation helped me. I was able to center myself and redirect my emotions into something positive. I have had to learn to heal myself and the mediation helped take me to a deeper place.

When I become overwhelmed with my emotions I can use the loving kindness mediation I can take a few moments to bring my daughters to mind. Usually it is my oldest as she lives far away. By mediating I can not only calm myself I can visit my daughter whenever I want or need.

Barbara Lorenzen.

Loving Kindness

I did the exercise and even just reading the lines made me feel better and want to be a better person. This is a good mediation chant to use when I feel like the world is against me or I am alone. Often I get wrapped up in my own problems and feelings that I forget there are others out there suffering who may not be as lucky as me. This is a good reminder to be grateful for what I have and to share with others.

My biggest concern is worldly, I am ready to return to the medical field after a three hiatus. I believed once I started looking for a job, it would just appear. That has not happened and I was getting discouraged. Over the last week I have worked at maintaining a more positive attitude and believe that once the right job opens for me the universe will let me know. Today that happened. A position I was hoping to interview for just notified me that would like me to interview.

Mental Wellness

I enjoyed this exercise more than last weeks. It seem that I spent less time concentrating on when the narrator would speak again and more time on staying relax and focused. I was able to center myself and whenever a stray thought came into mind, I refocused on my inhale and soon my mind was centered again.

This exercise gave me greater relaxation and peace than last week. Last week I was visualizing my daughter and how much I missed her, this was very emotional. This week when I visualized her there was a feeling of love and calmness.

Barbara Lorenen

Loving kindness.

The exercise was both rewarding and frustrating. The sounds of the ocean made me think of my daughter, who lives two states away. I miss her all the time and the sound of the waves bought me back to the back where she and I often walked on together. It was nice to take that mind trip with her and wrap my love around her.

The frustrating part was that once I entered into a new stage, the narrator would have me redirect my focus, I never seemed to be able to concentrate for long as I was always wondering when I would be interrupted again.

Like any activity the more one does it the better he/she becomes. Mental workout is something that takes effect. Allowing an hour each day, as the book describes, can help develop strength in the activity, set the routine pattern, and allows your mind and body to adept to the mediation hour and get deeper into yourself.

Barbara Lorenzen

Self centered wellness.

I completed the exercise today, it was amazing. I was not in a quiet place-my husband was washing clothes and making other noises. At first this irate me, but once I concentrated on my breathing the noise just went away. I added this to my playlist so I can do it over again whenever I need to.

Before the exercise I was going to give myself a 3 on A, B, and C because of issues at work that I will have to deal with later and it has been playing on my mind. After the exercise I gave myself a 9-10, not quite at a 10 but as close as I can get. I feel more confident dealing with the issues and maintaining my composure than I felt before the mediation.

I have sent goals in spiritual and physical. I did not for psychological because I feel that is the same family as spiritual. However for these two I want to be more centered and relax. Have a feeling of harmony towards others and always embrace the ones I love. For the physical I want to get into better shape and eliminate some of my health problems and concerns. Doing exercises that help develop my focus, such as the one today, will help me to obtain these goals.

Barbara Lorenzen.

Loss

Today I was faced with thepossibility of losing a dear friend. She has been giving me the "cold shoulder" for several days and now is posting some comments of facebook that are abigous. I cannot seem to get this person to talk to me about what she believes I did, so instead of worrying over this, I mediated.

I went outside, as the exercise the teacher suggested, and listened to the sounds of nature. It was so calming hearing the running water and birds. It enabled me to gain strength to wait out this turmoil and gave me hope that when she is ready to talk to me and if she feels our friendship is worth saving, she will come to me.